The Uber Office Wallflower

Meanwhile, over at Uber HQ today …

Travis: Anything new and exciting I should be aware of today? 

Head of User Acquisition: Downloads have spiked over the past two days, we’re looking into the source. 

Head of Communications: Was told Ashton Kutcher mentioned us on Twitter this morning, that could have something to do with it. 

Token Female Exec: Umm, call me crazy, but it could have something to do with the Emil shitstor …

Travis (interrupting without notice): Alright, anyone else have anything? 

Head of Espionage: Heard that Sidecar is launching Lost Springs, Wyoming this week. We have a street team ready to move-in. What do you want me to do? 

Travis: Damnit people. Why am I just now hearing about this? I want you to take four 50-person street teams and a box of Uber sunglasses and knock on every damn door in that town. Take their phones from them if you have to. I don’t care, but Sidecar can’t take this market. Show those oldtimers what Boober is all about. 

Head of Espionage: I’m on it.

Emil: Give me $100k and a buck knife and I’ll handle this.

Travis: What do you have in mind? 

Emil: I’ve got a contact at the Lost Springs Gazette. 

Travis: Brilliant. 

Travis: Anyone else? 

Token Female Exec: We really need to get ahead of this story, they’re calling for your …

Travis: Alright people, what are waiting for, let’s go get Sideboob.