The time has come – new app from Startups Anonymous

We’re sick and tired of getting overlooked, while those “other” anonymous apps steal all of the attention. We decided it was time to do something about it.

Boys and girls, we’re excited to introduce you to our new app, Secretion — an app for anonymously sharing everything that your body secretes.

Call it a companion app, or just a breath of fresh air. You’re already sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with the “other guys”, so why stop there? Secretion will allow you to take your anonymous sharing to a whole new level. Nothing is private any longer, including what comes from your parts.

But don’t just think of the app by it’s literal definition. Secretion is for sharing anything that discharges from your body. Here are a few things that have already been shared during our closed beta:

“Stage 3 clinger this morning. Had to cut it off with my pocket knife. Spent 20 minutes wiping up the aftermath.” 

“Pissed for 5 minutes straight. Am I dying?” 

“I’ve been collecting my earwax since I was 10.” 

But wait, there’s more. You can also create a fire storm with Secretion, by spreading rumors, such as these …

“Sat next to Dave McClure in the shitter today. Bastard wouldn’t even spare a square.” 

“I heard Robert Scoble shart at a SXSW conference. He was dragged out by security.” 

“Just buttercupped Dave Morin in the elevator today because he deserved it.” 

“Took a crap at the Github office today, some guys wife starred at me the whole time.” 

Basically, if it can secrete, people will think it’s neat.

The best part is, your secretions are only shared with those you despise the most (and vice versa). Consider it anti-networking. 

How is the sausage made? Well, for starters, we make sure that your secretions are seen by anyone that you’ve unfollowed, unfriended or blocked over the past two years. In addition, we’ve taken Facebook’s filtering and reversed that shit. We assumed that Facebook is filtering status updates of the friends you don’t like, so we send your secretions to those bitches. 

Getting started is really simple, just download the app here and connect your Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and Instagram accounts and start secreting. We swear it’s anonymous.

  • How about pre-secretion ? I have these red puffy bumps and I think they will begin secreting soon, I suppose this is premature secretion, embarrassing !


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