Startup … I think we need to talk

It’s time to speak some truth …

I’m in a committed relationship, but my heart is somewhere else. The problem is, the relationship I’m in is totally supportive and if I just gave it everything I have to offer, it would flourish. I give that relationship, the one that provides me with all that I need to live, the minimal amount of effort, heart, passion and dedication. Why? Partially because I’m narcissistic and I believe I deserve more. But, it’s more than that. My heart isn’t in that relationship. Even if it provides me with all of the riches that life can give, it wouldn’t be a honest path.

If you haven’t guessed it already … this is a professional relationship, not personal.

I’ve realized that they’re the same thing. Professionally or personally, If you deny yourself that which you truly desire, it will never work. Or, it might work, but at a price. You’ll be miserable. You’ll have regret. You will be constantly curious about what could have been. There will be a void that will suck all of the joy and happiness from whatever pleasure you were able to extract from the path you chose.

Why is the failure rate so high for startups? Because the passion is gone — period. That may translate as a lack of sales, funding, interest, users, etc. All of those are byproducts of a loss or lack of passion. When you follow your heart, you don’t give up. You don’t make excuses and you DON’T fail.

If you don’t have a passion for what you’re doing, what’s the point?

Herein lies the challenge. I’m committed to a business I’m no longer passionate about.

We’re not failing (at least yet), but we’re certainly not doing as well as we could be either. If I put in half the effort that I put into my other relationship, it would be doing phenomenally well. Even though I’m keenly aware of that, I can’t get myself to commit to it.

My other relationship doesn’t give me any security or financial benefit, yet it distracts me from the one that does. It’s able to command my attention and effort because it has my heart.

Given that, I’m sure you’re wondering why I don’t just leave? I really should, but it doesn’t seem that simple. I mean, why do people stay in miserable marriages for longer than they should? Maybe self-doubt or fear? I think mine is a bit of complacency and a bit of fear, but I honestly don’t know.

I was once passionate about my business, part of me thinks that may come back. I also wonder if I’m always going to be more interested in the next best thing. Maybe it isn’t passion after all, and I just have a commitment issue? Maybe I’m attracted to the honeymoon stage of a business and lose interest when the excitement and newness wears off?

Right now I’m just following the money until I can figure it out.

Poor me, right? The little narcissist needs some attention. Honestly, I’m not looking for sympathy, just needed to speak my mind and work through this. 

If anyone can relate, I would welcome your input.