Your Job or Your Family

My parents retired and were spending a year abroad. My mother was having a brutal time of it since she uprooted her life of 20+ years living in a small town. She and my father had left close friends and family, so they were very lonely.

I was at a brand-name start-up for about a year. I was under the impression I was doing well: I had received good feedback, launched a large product that was more complex than the start-up’s usual offerings, it received great press, and the early clients were quite happy.

I made a promise to my parents that I would visit them during their trip. I told everyone at the start-up about this, repeatedly, months in advance. I would go for three weeks and work remotely. Everyone seemed fine with this, with nobody raising any objections that I was aware of.

But the day I posted the flight dates, it seemed nobody was listening. One of the co-founders brought me into a room and said things weren’t working out and told me to shape-up or ship-out. Apparently, I needed to either quit or spend 30-days getting re-hired.

I suggested that, perhaps, the trip to see my parents would be right in the middle of that and asked him if could we take this up when I got back. I was even willing to make the trip unpaid.

“No. Not an option”, was his abrupt response.

Your family or your job.

Well, fuck that.

The same co-founder proceeded to tell me, “I still consider you a friend.” That was rich. Do you ask your other friends to sacrifice their family for your endeavor?


  • I get you. I also get that co-founder.

    No right answer here. Just depends where each one of you is in your life and what do you care for.

  • your cofounder “friend” sounds like a prick. now there are multiple sides to this, you may not be as good as you see yourself. maybe you are. ultimately you are out (there is no way you can recover at this company). make them boot you so you can collect unemployment benefits. then spend time with your folks. this is a rare chance to spend good time with them.

  • Go for the family… You’ll regret it when they’re gone. I know I do… Considered myself too busy when they were visiting from abroad, now my mom is gone (as is the startup).

  • This is the founders’ fault. Under no circumstances should employees EVER be surprised about where they stand in regards to performance.

  • No hesitation at all — ALWAYS your family? ALWAYS. Fuck the job. You can always go elsewhere. And most definitely fuck your “supposed” friend. Without your parents, you would not exist. They will be dead before you know it. You don’t want to live with regrets. You did the right thing. Oh, and now you get to travel too. Go and enjoy yourself! Life is too short.

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