Walking down the road, I look through the windows and see people from my race and people from my country cleaning offices, bars etc. They look happier than me, who’s aim was, and still is, to avoid that route to happiness.
A friend managed to negotiate a student apartment and gave me a room, he paid the deposits on my behalf, I couldn’t afford to. Rent is over due, I’ve panicked but it doesn’t help. I looked into the contracts we’ve signed with clients and at most, money comes in 3 weeks or a month from now.
I can’t muster up the courage to pick up the phone and continue to prospect. No energy left.
Over the past four years since I graduated, I’ve attempted more than five business ideas. None have seemed to catch on like this, which was started three months ago before the summer holidays. We’ve gone by the books in a few areas, done what should be right and ended up signing these success-fee based contracts. There is the need. So we think, the market is huge, there are competitors, but we still offer a better and faster service in spite of bootstrapping it to this point.
Phone bills are mounting, there is no where to raise funds, they treat us like lepers in spite of the fact that this is successful elsewhere. I pray in my heart to leave this place. I look for the next alternative or option to leave. We are treated like lepers like we have nothing to offer, hence people who look like me have only one option, which is what I see them doing (and smiling doing it).
I’ve gone this far hoping the rain would stop and sun would come out, but Thunder has started.
Why can’t I be like others and just be happy? Why do I prefer buying an ad or paying the developer rather than eating, drinking and be happy like others?
What do I do next? Can I wait without food for three weeks? Can the street be better than the floor where I’ve been sleeping? Can I afford to miss this one, which needs a little patience and some extra work?
Lucky dube’s music seem to help hold back the tears. I avoid being alone so I don’t cry. I put on a happy face when my cofounder arrives. He has no idea I’m in a mess. He can’t help out either.
It does help to tell myself that, I went for it with the whole of my heart, body, mind and soul. I’ve sacrificed relationships and my back hurts from long hours of constant sitting, teaching myself how to program. It helps us, I created the MVP which we now have users and have used it as a tool to sign contracts with companies.
Wait a minute, why is it that only in this country do I seem to be treated like a leper? I screwed up a presentation because of years of seeing the same faces who say no always said no to me. Standing facing the crowd, looking at the jury, I saw faces I remembered, I remembered when I was told I had no place there.
I’ve ran out of options, do I abort this baby that is past abortion date? Or is it? I have no idea, I see things blurred sometimes because I’m an entrepreneur. Or am I unofficially unemployed?
This shall pass. I just had to tell the truth. Will it backfire? I have no idea but I told the truth.
After the Thunder, what’s next?