Lack of sex and affection with wife is depressing, but we cofounded our startup and are fighting this war together, so I can’t change it.

  • You can change it. Create a routine. I know it sounds unromantic, but if you had sex every morning at 7am to clear distractions before the day, you get the stress release and can focus on the task at hand throughout the day. You do the company throughout the day because you both love and commit to it. You shag because you both love and commit. Spend 1 hour everyday to focus on your relationship. You will be surprised at how much better you get at work.

  • My experience with mixing startups and marriage has been nothing short of disastrous. I spent ten years, over 2 startups, trying to make this work, and it is clear to me that each one needs independent professional lives…..

  • If what you’re saying is that she “not into sex” then you’re in for a rough marriage no matter what your professions. And ask any parent – it doesn’t get any easier after you start having kids.

    I did a startup with my wife the same month we got married — 20 years ago. It was not easy and nearly ruined our marriage even though the money was great. We finally sold the business to focus on kids & marriage. It’s taken us years to get back to a normal marriage. Another married couple we know started a hugely successful non-tech business, but recently went thru a nasty divorce (with 2 kids). They never did marriage counseling.

    My advice: go to marriage counseling, but skip all the typical counselors’ fuzzy BS about “it’s a communication problem” and get right to the real problem: SEX & Affection. Sex can be complicated issue for women (ie: is it just to satisfy the man’s needs?). But talking openly about how to improve your sex life without fighting is the key.

    You’ll be better off to discuss the real problem front & center with a professional and either realize you guys are right for each other, or not. Don’t let it drag on — life is just too damn short.

  • Agree with these other comments but wanted to specifically say that no company is more important than your personal relationships. Period.

    The company is not going to be there when you get sick. The company is not going to hold your hand before a surgery, not going to hold you when someone you love passes away, or be there for you if you lose a family member to time.

    Do not ignore how important that stuff is to keeping you mentally and emotionally balanced.

  • my partner and i are married, and co-founders. we just have incredibly clear definitions of when a work day starts, and when our personal lives start.

    one thing we did was to have nicknames for each other, and using that meant it was “personal time” not “office time”. we also don’t carry work issues into personal lives, problems in the office are held and discussed in meeting rooms but not at home or in bed.

    our employees didn’t know we were together until we mentioned it once. i think the newer employees don’t know at all.

    you just have to maintain a professional self and a personal self. i found it a lot easier than my partner, but having a routine/schedule really helped keep the balance.

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